Tuesday, May 01, 2007

I need to stay more focused..

Life is always full with its ups and downs.. I ever reached the highest place in my life, so do I experience the worst memories that gonna stick with me for the rest of my life.. The road to the higher perfection are indeed a never-ending journey for me.. Since form 4, I never reached the target I set until now.. I always fell down and everything get screwed up.. Form 4 suppose to be a honeymoon year for most of us and yet, I screwed it up when I goes fighting with one of my good friend.. a real fight which later almost gets me beaten up by a group of outsiders.. Well.. this changed me a lot and I ended up taking another road which has less link with them.. I regreted that I started a fight with him and gets our friendship rotten somehow..

Well.. eventually this gets me involved in church more often... So when I was in form 6.. being a senior to most youths, I organised seminars, study group, involved in prayer group, praise and worship, and camps... All this suppose to be my greatest experiences ever and yet now I have none of them.. While everyone is crafting their own memories in their form 6, I leaved church and went to Methodist and SIB church... I failed to lead the youths well, failed to give Him my best, failed to really works in the main group altho I really wished to.. So.. in the end, I failed in protecting my own faith.. But thanks to my friends in SIB and Methodist, I'm back in catholic looking for the answer.. Those were the times when I failed in my relationship too.. .. .. Frankly speaking.. Those camps back then... I didnt really enjoyed it tho.. There were my dark histories..

Things gets quite well until last September if I'm not mistaken.. I start losing my faith, my cool, my dignity, losing almost everything.. I leaved church once again and abandoned mass for almost two months.. Hatred started to grow in me even when its over Him.. no more prayer or praise to Him.. The only things I did is curse.. I cursed, I scolded, I blamed Him and told myslf to never serve Him anymore... Things started to get disordered and I continued my life without Him for the first time in my life.. But with the helps from those from MSN, and all the youths back in Sarikei, I'm back once again altho with more questions in me..

And now.. My heart is frawning once again.. I guess I just not firm enough to protect whats in my heart.. But this time, I dont want to fall once again... I need to get myself more focused on what I'm protecting in my heart... Fuh~.. At last I shared what I'm afraid of ... I was thinking not to share this out but then I need supports..

See?? I was the blackspot there.. huh..

-- Refering to the last post.. Ah jen.. Now to think about it.. I'm pretty sure I'm not using you guys... Among all friends that I have, this was the group closest to me recently.. Jen.. Guess our quarels back there in those years are now becoming the source of our bond?? haha.. Not forgeting Charles.. I'm not choosing, but he was the guy in msn who approached me the most during my last fall.. and Alice.. You were the director for the camp which makes me making decision to have a break for my relationship.. haha.. this make me remember u forever... nah.. jk jk .. I guess I was pretty influenced by my buddy.. He is a great guy anyway... I miss him.. and to Angel.. friend forever.. Kancil Gang...

I have the Happiest family in the world.. My father is laughing, but cameraman too fast, belum sempat buka his mouth yet..

JiNG



16 comments:

s|mon sjen said...

well.. like i said, even if u used us.. it would be good hahaha.. cos it was so much fun.. and the best part is i'm goin off soon.. and i have seen almost all parts of SELANGOR and KL.. and which is also one of my wish-list. yeah.. our quarrel back then.. somehow help me to deal with sadness.. and to tell u frankly.. u and me.. we are not much different.. i have been thru almost the same thing u have.. and somehow wat happen to me.. has changed me a lot.. and i am wat i am now because of all of u.. from joining LEO.. to YCS.. Awareness camp.. Youth Camp.. i can only say.. it wasnt the best.. but it was enough to teach me a lesson

Alice said...

You guys know what? I was going through the same thing too~ I'm not joking ok? I am SERIOUS! Right after the Kanowit Camp, I was thinking that I am a bad director~ Cause someone approached me and told me that I did a bad job and said that it was more to FUN than spiritual building. And my heart was being pierced so badly that I left church for years!! Cos I think that I'm not as good as I think I am to serve God. So I degraded myself, isolating myself from the churchers, avoid prayer meet and everything and carried on with my life to chase the worldly things. That's basically wat happened to me back then, until I came to PJ to further my study. Yea.. i had hard time with housemates and ya..it's a long story.. guess what I m trying to say is that I think God uses the same technique that He used on me to put everyone of us to His test~ Cheers everyone~~~~

Anonymous said...

waaa.... everyone play sentimentle. Then i need to be different. I approach you to know more girls. whuahuahuahauhuahau. me devil leh!

By the way, jing, your tie colour very sharp leh. hauahuahu!

And by the way, about one who leave church, it doesnt make a different if you are physically or mentally leaving church. So if you need a break, i suppose i will think, just go out one round and come back. Sometime, only when we give up something, only we realise how important that something is, and then we can appreciate it.

And thats my ajaran sesat. Follow at your own risk though~

JiNG said...

alice -The camp... My purpose proposing that camp were to train anna's group and make them another group of leaders.. but in their group, no one can lead them.. I guess Jonas foresee everything and approached u to lead them.. Try to think, With nth u successfully held a spiritual camp, so many things happened in the camp, Its actually a camp for all of u.. that is the first time where most of the participants are the formal leader of the church... so, dont worry about it lar.. Wat i post above doesnt means the camp not good, but something happen back there to me, tats why i regreted...

JiNG said...

jen - hehe..since leo, yeah.. Thanks for everything...

JiNG said...

Charles.. wuahahahha.. cos of gal?? not cool.. pui..

Well.. I learned that He is God.. I'm no one to provoke Him..

Anonymous said...

remember i teach u go jogging last time?
hauahuahauauhauhau

not really coz of girl...maybe i am too sien also.

JiNG said...

yeah..but never tried it.. serdang no place to jog..haha

Roses said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Roses said...

*sober*

damn sober...

Lil' s|mon said...

charles i pui u also.. for girls.. pui again.. hahaha.. but i first wanted to join catholic is because i was a left out and all my frens are catholic.. so i guess i have to pui myself.

Roses said...

i joined catholic becoz my mom used to force me to go to church even tho' she doesnt...and the only major community in sarikei at that time is indeed the catholics...so i followed the big group..

in the end, when i am away from ckei for years,i found that my mom made d right choice...

now, my parents also go to church. i rest my case

JiNG said...

nice shot by ur mom huh?? haha.. Praise the Lord.

drumsticks said...

Hey Jimmy, Just wanna say.. don't give up!

cibol said...

hey jimmy .. i also want to say dun give up .. to be honest with u, I was active because of the music la .. I like music so i found that joining these activities can make me fully utilize my potential .. ha ha ha .. chehhh ... but true la .. dun give up.

but I dun deny the gal point also .. wahahahah

JiNG said...

hahhaa... Yeah.. i know u like music a lot.. i like ur music a lot too... oh man.. too bad u not here d.. wuhaaha.. anyway..thanks ya..